Over the last 6 years, I have lived in Thailand, Kuwait, Egypt, Mauritania, and now the Dominican Republic. I have taught you how to move abroad, how to get a job teaching abroad, and now the lessons I have learned from living abroad. Having lived in 5 very different countries I realized that I could offer some solid advice that isn’t location-dependent. Here are all the things I have learned since moving abroad.

20 Lessons I’ve Learned From Living Abroad

1. Go with the flow

This is probably the most important note on this list. You have to be flexible to live outside your home country. No matter how similar you think your new home is to your previous home, I guarantee things will be different. Try to remember that just because your country does something a certain way doesn’t mean it’s the best way or the only way to do it. Patience is key. This can include anything from opening a bank account, starting a new job, or just adjusting to the difference in time.

2. Don’t take shit personally

At first, it may seem like everyone and everything is against you. They’re not, it’s called change, and sometimes it’s uncomfortable. Not everyone will be friendly and not everyone will be happy to see more immigrants such as yourself “taking over their country.” In general, you will find that most people are not attacking you but are genuinely curious about you and where you come from. If I got offended every time someone touched my hair abroad I would live in a perpetual state of anger. It’s not worth my mental health. Shit will happen but keeping a good attitude and attempting to put a positive spin on things will make all the difference. Your hardships now will make hilarious stories in the future of that time you moved abroad.

3. See as much as you can as soon as you can

I’m not saying see every single thing in the first month you arrive but you never know when you will leave. Anything could happen where you are forced to leave the country sooner than you planned. You don’t want to be kicking yourself years later that you never saw the Eiffel Tower during your time living abroad in Paris. I try to take the first two weeks in every destination to just be on vacation and see a lot of the touristy sites. If I had waited until I was truly settled I know I would have never taken the time to see it all.

4. It’s okay to be sad

Feeling homesick is normal. Missing family and friends is normal. Feeling left out or missing events back home is normal. Even experiencing culture shock is normal. Leaving everything you know behind isn’t easy and some days you will be sad and that is okay. Sit in those feelings then look around and reflect on why you left and what you’ve gained (no matter how small) since you’ve arrived.

5. Immerse in the culture in a respectful way

Why did you move across the world for just more of the same? Find out as much as you can about the location, the people, the culture, the food, and the majority religion. Embrace those differences without comparing them to what you think you know. The more you fight it the less you will like your destination. If you are not willing to adapt to this country’s culture and rules don’t come. It’s not your place to force your home country’s ideas on this new place. That’s a form of neocolonialism. Don’t do it. Abide by their rules and way of life or just leave.

Don’t expect people to bend to your will just because you are a foreigner. Expats sometimes come from privileged backgrounds and carry their elitist attitudes into different lands. You aren’t better than the locals so don’t expect to be treated better than the locals.

I’m not expecting you to fully change your perspective and morals but be open-minded to what you experience. You might just learn a thing or two, not just about the place but about yourself as well. If you don’t understand something just ask. Wondering why they celebrate a certain holiday? Just ask. Wondering why certain restrictions or laws are in place? Ask. It’s much better to get the answer directly from the people who live there rather than from your foreign news provider who is telling you it’s a bad thing. As long as you are respectful people will be happy that you even care enough to ask.

6. Build a like-minded support system

Let’s just say making friends is HARD! Other Expats always say to find a group of expats and while sure it’s nice to have people you can communicate with other expats know just as little about your location as you do. Don’t discriminate against the locals, make friends with both.

The best way to make new friends is to just say YES to everything for a while. Would you like to get drinks after work? Yes. Would you like to get breakfast on Saturday? Yes. A new event near your location pops up on Facebook. Yes, I will go alone. Sometimes you have to step out of your comfort zone and you will be surprised at some of the connections you might make. The best part is you can pick and choose people who you like rather than the friendships of convenience you easily fell into at home. Join groups on Facebook, go to events or clubs on Meetup.com, Expat.com, and Internations.org or make a tinder account. Making friends takes real effort but once you find friends the transition is much easier.

7. Out of sight, out of mind

That old saying is VERY true. You will find out who is really important to you quickly! Even with the ability to FaceTime and communicate via social media you will realize that you weren’t as close to people as you thought. Some friendships will not be able to be maintained with the distance. It’s also worth noting that because this isn’t someplace you will probably live forever some of the closest friends you make in your destination might leave as well. 

8. Establish a sense of community

Become a regular somewhere. In Thailand, I ate at the same restaurant every single week. The first time we went we tipped big and were welcomed with open arms every time. All the workers knew our orders and often would give us free food to try if we were being indecisive.

Speak to your neighbors. In the parts of America I lived in speaking to neighbors is something that wasn’t done. So this might feel weird at first but I guarantee once you know the people around you it will feel more like home. Even if you only know good morning or hello in the local language the people around you will be happy to see you and you will be happy to see them. If a problem arises these people can be your biggest advocates and will be much more willing to help you out. I unknowingly dropped my wallet on the street we live on in Egypt. Someone else picked it up and had their son ride their bike to find me and give it back. I bet if I weren’t so known the person could have easily kept it. I didn’t even notice it was missing.

9. Make sure everything in your home country is taken care of before you go abroad

This is so important! Leave what’s home at home. If possible try to pay down or off all of your loans and bills prior to leaving. Attempt to sell your car and home if you don’t plan on returning any time soon. Trying to keep up with those payments can be super stressful especially having to deal with foreign banks and currency conversions. We sold all of our stuff prior to leaving the states so this wouldn’t be a problem. When I lived in Thailand I didn’t even have a bank account because I got paid in cash. When I lived in Kuwait the employer OFTEN paid us late. Many people had issues with their creditors back home who don’t care why they missed the payments on their mortgage for the third month in a row.

10. Stay in different neighborhoods before selecting an apartment

When we moved to Thailand we did not come with a home already selected or even a general location in mind. We Airbnb’d in different neighborhoods to get a feel for where we wanted to be in the city. Just because an area is cheap or filled with expats and foreigners does not mean it’s where you desire to be. It’s better to get short-term rentals in a few different areas before paying full price for an apartment. If we hadn’t done this in Bangkok we would have ended up living directly in a red-light district. In Kuwait and Mauritania, my housing was chosen by my school. In Egypt, we had free range to be wherever we wanted. Many people ended up moving apartments after the first few weeks just because of things they would have noticed during a short-term rental. Checking out different areas will save you a lot of money in the long term.

11. Make your current house your home

In my first two countries, I wasn’t taking the time to really appreciate where I lived. I bought stuff for my home but I didn’t bother to decorate or really invest in the things I should have. It was as if we knew the places would be temporary, so why spend the money? At my houses in Egypt, Mauritania, and DR, I really made it feel like a home. I bought new furniture, hung up pictures and art, and bought the appliances I needed in the kitchen. It made a world of difference. I ended up spending 3 years in Egypt. 

12. Spend the money

Saving is all good and dandy but don’t miss out on things cause you want to save. There are experiences you will regret not spending money on. When is the next time you will be able to afford a maid? Or see a concert at the pyramids? What about visiting a neighboring country for 1/3 of the price it would cost from your home country? There are plenty of once-in-a-lifetime opportunities that will present themselves. Evaluate what it’s worth to you then spend the money! Most people don’t know this but I was broke as shit when I lived in Thailand! The place I went to save so much money and I didn’t save a dime, literally. Do I regret that for one minute? Not a chance. I was truly living my best life.

13. Be open to people visiting

While this one is not completely on you it is up to you to put the invitation out there. People won’t want to visit if they don’t feel welcome. It is refreshing to have different people visit you in your new home. When I lived in Thailand 27 people visited me in a year! It was great to have that taste of home but it also gave me the opportunity to explore other things to do around Bangkok. The only visitors I had in Kuwait were my parents but it gave us the opportunity to check out Camel Racing. Something I probably wouldn’t have done. Another plus side of having people visit is that they can bring you some of the things you can’t get in your new home. I had 21 people visit me in Egypt and made each of them bring me a whole suitcase of stuff.

14. Don’t believe everything you read

There will (hopefully) be hundreds of blogs out there about your destination. Some of the info is old and not relevant any longer. I threw away all of my red and yellow clothing before moving to Thailand due to some blog telling me it was choosing a political side. And while that was true during the time that person was there it wasn’t really a factor once we arrived. Some of the information is biased on that person’s experiences. I also read that Egypt was unsafe but that is also the furthest thing from the truth. Egypt is probably one of the safest places I’ve ever lived. Take what you read with a grain of salt and judge it for yourself.

15. Do some research on products that are available

Prior to moving abroad, you should figure out what products you just can’t live without. I mentioned previously about joining Facebook groups. If you join one prior to moving you could simply ask in the group if that product is available there and if not stock up before making the move.

In Thailand, all of the beauty products had bleach in them so I had to bring everything from skincare and deodorant to hair care. Neither Thailand, Egypt, nor Kuwait sold real tampons (when I was there). TMI but after Thailand, I had to switch to menstrual cups just to save on money and bag space that was wasted on them. I also do not travel without Goya’s Adobo, Sazon, Sazonador Total, or McCormick’s Montreal Steak Seasoning. It’s essential to the foods I cook so I make sure to always have it in stock. This could also be related to any medications you take daily.

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16. Try to learn the local language

Just living somewhere will not mean you automatically pick up the language. Especially if you aren’t that young. It is a real effort but once you start picking up some essential words you will wonder how you ever survived before learning them. On the same subject of language, you will be surprised how far body language can get you. You don’t always need words to communicate but pointing at your wrist almost always means time and shoveling air into your mouth always means food. Do take the time to learn which hand gestures mean bad words as you would hate to have anyone thinking you just told them to f**k off.

17. Local taxis over Uber

Don’t get me wrong I use Uber. A LOT. But you will find that local taxis actually know where they are going and once you learn a couple of words including your address they are less likely to rip you off. I prefer taxis because I know I am putting money directly into the hands of locals and not some rich dude in the states. I also prefer them because they often have the best suggestions for local places to go and if they don’t know something they will call and ask a friend who will.

18. Reverse culture shock is real

Coming home is hard! There is a quote that I love

So, here you are

too foreign for home;

too foreign for here.

Never enough for both.

Once you take the leap and move abroad home can never be the same because you will never be the same. Your loved ones will not understand how you don’t know how to navigate a city you’ve lived in your whole life or how you keep forgetting certain words in English cause you honestly never use them. The first time I came home from Thailand it was for my grandmother’s funeral so I had no time to mentally prepare for my arrival. When I landed in JFK I was inundated with the amount of English I was hearing. Something that would easily turn my head and cause me to make a friend in Bangkok was nothing special in America but I kept turning my head nonetheless. Hearing so much English literally gave me a headache. I also kept smiling and greeting Black people on the street because it was a cause for celebration to see someone who looks like me only to be reminded where I was when mothers clutched their children closer clearly thinking I’m a crazy person for even noticing them in NYC. That group of friends you made will understand your struggles. Talk to them because…

19. People at home don’t really care

While it may be extremely exciting for you to be living in your new destination most people are only asking about your experiences to be polite. They really don’t care about your day-to-day stories unless they ask about specific details. It may be hard at first to stop talking about where you’ve been but I find saying “I love it” is more than enough to change the topic of conversation. This is why it’s important to find that group of people where you live to talk to. They will actually care about your stories and have a sense of understanding of what you’ve been through.

20. It’s not all roses

While I will ALWAYS sing the praises of living abroad it is not always easy. In fact, I would say moving abroad is pretty hard. The beginning can feel like a constant hustle. Those first few months will be crucial to your overall success. Your relationships will be tested, your patience will be tested, and even your stomach will be tested. There are days you will want to go home. You will ask yourself, WTF was I thinking of moving abroad? There are days you will miss your mom’s cooking but simply can’t get it or replicate the recipe. Maybe the wifi sucks and you simply wish for a faster speed. It can be extremely frustrating to find out that something that will take 5 minutes online at home, takes weeks or months elsewhere.

There is a saying in Arabic I hear/use a lot. InshAllah. It means God Willing or hopefully but a lot of time it can mean no or not today. I found that once I took on that same no-pressure way of thinking I was less stressed out.

Moving abroad is not for everyone

I can not stress this enough. I know all the “cool kids” are doing it and in theory, it sounds exciting and easy but your attitude towards things plays a big factor. MOVING ABROAD IS NOT FOR EVERYONE!! Some people, like myself, try living abroad and can’t ever see themselves moving back home. Others pick a destination that isn’t a good fit for them and absolutely hate it. I have a 6 months rule. If I stay for 6 months and decide I absolutely hate it, I will leave at the 1-year mark. It hasn’t happened yet (knock on wood) but I have loved everywhere I’ve been simply because I was open to whatever that place had to offer. It’s a big world out there I’m sure if you didn’t like it you could find someplace to fit your needs. I can say that you will be unhappy no matter where you end up If you are someone who is not willing to change and does not have an open mind. You have to really ask yourself is moving abroad really right for you?

 

If you think we forgot anything comment below.

 

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