After teaching in Thailand for a year, we have encountered our fair share of funny moments. Kids say the darndest things would be an understatement to the types of things people would say to us. Last week I told you how to find a teaching job abroad but I didn’t exactly tell you what being a teacher was like. Before I get to all the funniness, you have to understand that Thai people are very blunt and say exactly what they think without sugar-coating it. To be a teacher in Thailand, especially a high school teacher, you must have tough skin or risk being offended all the time. I really wish I had been writing down all the things the kids had said to us from the beginning but these are the best ones that I can remember. Hope you enjoy it.

Victoria

The first day of school

Student: Where in Africa are you from?
Me: I’m not from Africa. I’m from America.
Everyone sits in silence and thinks for a second.
Other Student: like the United States?
Me: Yes, the United States of America.
Students start chattering in disbelief in Thai
Another student: Well where in America? (it’s said as a challenge; as if asking me this question they will catch me in my lie)
Me: I was born in NY
Students again chatter amongst themselves
Then someone says Okay NY is in The United States
Me in my head: How these lil shits gone challenge me 😂

Regular Day of Class

Me: Calls on student
Student: I’m not going to answer that because you fat
Me: 

I’m wearing braids in my hair

Student: How you wash (points obscurely to my head) that?
Me: With water and shampoo
Student: Oh just like me then
Me:

Student Turns Off Lights

Everyone starts laughing 
Student: Teacher you disappear
Me:

Day After 2016 Elections

Students: Hahahaha Donald Trump your president points and laughs
Me: 😑 He’s not my president
Student: What you mean? You from America no?
Me: Let’s move on.

We are learning about descriptive words such as attractive and beautiful.

Me being me, I feel it is necessary to expose them to more than just Asian and white women. So I use a picture of Rihanna. Her face pops on the screen and students start calling out words describing her. Tall, Red Dress, Fat, Black
Everyone gets quiet and looks at me.
Me: Yes, that is correct. She is black.
Student: Ooooohhh, she’s your twin
Me: looks around Who me?
Everyone: Yesss!!! TWIN, TWIN, TWIN!!!!
hahaha if you have ever seen a picture of me you know this is the furthest thing from the truth but shit I’ll take it.

I was the only woman who taught with the men in the foreign language department

which meant I was always with a bunch of boys. On the first day of the new school year, we were playing a game where they guessed details about my life. 
Me: I am married.
Student: Oh yes. I heard you married to Tom.
Me: I’m sorry. What?
Other Student: You, Tom and Brett married together.
Me: Starts laughing No. Hahaha, I’m not married to them.
All Student: legitimately confused
Another Student: So which teacher you married to? Scott? Anthony?
Me: 😂😂😂 I’m not married to any of them. My husband’s name is Alejandro.
All Students Together: arai wa (basically WTF)

Wears a wig to school for the 1st time

Student 1: Teacher, me no like you hair.
Me: Okayyy
Student 1: It very bad.
Me: Okayyyyy
assumes I don’t understand him, gets frustrated, and goes to find another student who speaks better English
Student 2: Teacher, he say he don’t like your hair
Me: Tell him I said okay.
Student 2: No. You don’t understand. He don’t like. It very bad.
Me: Again okayyyyyyyyy. What do you want me to do about it right now?
Student 2 gets angry shakes his head at me and gives up
Me in my head: 😂 WTF do they want me to do snatch it off my head right now??? 
In their heads:

Since I am American I tend to smile at everyone.

Unfortunately, that doesn’t happen very often to people who are considered “beneath” someone else. I would often smile at the cleaning ladies and the one who cleaned my classroom became very attached to me. She would often speak to me in Thai and even if I didn’t understand her I would at least nod my head like I did.

One day we were walking down the hall (arm in arm because obviously, she was my BFFL) and she rubs my stomach

Clean Lady: How you baby?
Me: What?
Cleaning Lady: You baby. Baby okay?
apparently since I’m fat she thought I was pregnant and somewhere in the conversations we had, I had agreed that I was
Me: Starts laughing No. No have baby.
Cleaning Lady: It’s okay  she motions like shhhhh our secret
Me: I just laugh it off like whatever
The next day the whole Thai staff thought I was pregnant 😂😂😂 so much for our secret hahaha

Gets my hair braided

After writing this, I realized a lot of the comments I received came from things having to do with my hair lol. In the teachers’ canteen (lunchroom) you line up to get your food. While I am in line the teacher behind me makes a general reference to my hair.
Teacher: Wow! It looks so nice.
Me: Thank you
Teacher: And clean.
Me: Uhhhh… Thank you. 
Teacher: How much you pay?
Me: I tell her a price less than what I actually paid. The real price was roughly $60USD (If you are looking for black hair braids or braiding in Bangkok contact me here and I will give you the ladies number)
Teacher: Oh my Gosh. So much money!
Me: I just smile knowing I lied. 
Teacher: I will learn how to do this on YouTube so then you can pay me to do it.
Me: Uhhhhhhh yeaaaaahhhhh sureeeeeee

Random School Day

Worst Student In Class: Teacher, I’m in love with the Coco!
Me: What?
Bad Kid:busts out bag with mysterious white powder substance It’s cocaine!!!! 
Whole class starts laughing
Me in my head: I don’t get paid enough for this shit
Me out loud: I don’t give a shit if it is coke! That’s not my business as long as you don’t do it in class. 
Bad Kid: Excited OKAYYYY!!!

*Sidenote: Obviously, it wasn’t cocaine 😂😂😂 I’m not that horrible of a teacher. Lol

It’s no surprise that I received the majority of the ridiculous questions/statements for obvious reasons but there are no worries for those of you that are here for Mr. Ward. He wasn’t immune to them either.

Mr. Ward

Student: Teacher, how many months?
Mr. Ward: Huh?
Student: You pregnant?

Gets hair braided

Student: Teacher, you look Kawhi Lenard!
Again if you have seen a picture of Mr. Ward you know they look nothing alike. Insert Kawhi laugh  

Random School Day

Mr. Ward: passing out Oreos
Student:points to another student who doesn’t bleach his skin (He’s a dark peach at best) Teacher him and Oreo same color
Whole class starts laughing
Me:

In the teacher’s Office

Teacher: Mr. Ward is it true what they say about black men?
Mr. Ward: I don’t know. What do they say?
Teacher: Looks at crotch
Mr. Ward: What???
Teacher: Well you know seeing is believing
Mr. Ward:

As you can see our time teaching in Bangkok was full of laughs. If you are planning on teaching there feel free to reach out with any questions. If you have any funny moments from teaching abroad leave a note in the comments.

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